Re: the ice cream sandwiches
The order was placed over a month ago, but the word from the distribution office is that the delivery trucks were ambushed by a gang of fat kids. All of the ice cream sandwiches, enough for a lifetime supply of said sandwiches for every American, were eaten in one sitting by this ruthless gang.
As president of the world, I will not stand for this kind of incompetence in getting products delivered to consumers. I have already submitted another order for twice as many ice cream sandwiches in hope that this ravenous gang will get full and let the driver then deliver the remaining portion of the order.
Do not worry, my fellow Americans. Universal Ice Cream Sandwiches will be a reality if we can put aside our differences and work together. This is a grassroots effort that will change the lives of people around the world.