Theorem: Engaging in scientific inquiry will make you immortal.
Proof: Darwin currently lives in a two-bedroom apartment with Elvis, Socrates, and Anna Nicole Smith in Hemlock, Michigan.
Theorem: Doing philosophy will teach you to write fiction you believe in.
Theorem: Thinking Baudrillard's thoughts will show you that smiling is an act of aggression.
Proof: Everytime you have engaged with fake people you cannot be convinced that the slick red liquid exiting their body is blood.
Theorem: A highly sophisticated quality of boredom can be cultivated using the crop rotation method.
Theorem: Problems will not exist if you do not care.
[Show your work. Or at least look busy.]