My spending at Amazon has spun out of control. I am officially admitting addiction. To books, to buying, to finding brown boxes on my porch everyday with the Amazon smile/curved penis on the sides. The yellow padded envelopes in the mailbox function simultaneously to protect the books being shipped to me and to release chemicals into my brain.
It's all Amazon's fault. Just like McDonald's provides fatty foods to people who overeat, Amazon is providing brand new books at out-of-some-guy's-trunk prices and shipping them two-day for free with Amazon Prime. It's not fair. I cannot control myself. I am good for a month at most, but after I've scrimped by with the ten thousand books I already have, I look through all of the titles I've Saved for Later in my Amazon cart and the secretions begin anew. The demons return seven times stronger and the boxes pile seven times higher on my porch. It's not fair. I think I am going to have to sue Amazon for making me buy so many books.
If you really care about me you will send books or money or both. I will take Amazon gift certificats, too, so you know the money will not be spent on booze or other more traditional drugs.