Thursday, January 31, 2008

Book Blurbs for Sale

"So good I had to put it down after 10 pages, and I still haven't picked it up again. _______ is so amazing that I literally cannot read it."

--Josh Maday



"A socio-politico-philosophical masterpiece. Seriously. I know I say this about every book, but this is really the one that will change your life, and the world. I am not exaggerating. I mean it. Trust me. I'm serious."

--Josh Maday



"This is a book. It has pages. The pages are an off-white color. The numbers and letters are black. The covers are made of a heavier stock than the pages. The covers have pictures and words on them. The pictures and words on the covers are printed in different colors. The covers have a satin finish. They don't shine as much as some other books. The pages are most easily viewed with light present. The book itself is 8.5mm thick and absorbs liquids such as coffee and urine when they come into contact with the pages and covers. However, the book cannot be dry cleaned without causing more damage. In conclusion, this object is appropriate for sale through distribution companies such as bookstores and online merchant sites. I approve this book for sale to the general consumer: for the promotion of incrementally improved socio-economic status, a temporary feeling of completeness or wholeness through both the act of buying and the feeling of having appropriated the contents of the book by simply acquiring it, and a sense of intellectual superiority over peers and other people in the new owner's sphere of reasonable social competition."

--Josh Maday



"Fantastic fantastic fantastic fantastic fantastic fantastic fantastic fantastic fantastic fantastic fantastic fantastic fantastic fantastic fantastic fantastic fantastic fantastic fantastic fantastic fantastic fantastic fantastic fantastic fantastic fantastic fantastic fantastic fantastic fantastic fantastic fantastic fantastic fantastic fantastic fantastic fantastic fantastic fantastic fantastic fantastic fantastic fantastic fantastic fantastic fantastic fantastic fantastic fantastic fantastic fantastic fantastic fantastic fantastic fantastic fantastic fantastic fantastic fantastic fantastic fantastic. Fantastic."

--Josh Maday



Or,

"Fantastic100000000000000000000000000000!!!!"

--Josh Maday



Or,

"Fantastic!!!! a trillion times over."

--Josh Maday



"Come on, what does it matter what anyone else thinks? Just buy it if it looks good. And I thought you were a free thinker. Pphh."

--Josh Maday



"If I'm ever in a situation where I have to choose between death and never reading this book again, a struggle will take place."

--Josh Maday



"Dazzling, crackling, sparkling, explosive. A pyrotechnical masterpiece. After you buy this book and leave the bookstore, take a trip to the hardware and pick up these items: welding gloves and mask, enough fire retardant material to cover your entire body, and a breathing apparatus. Also, pick up some painkillers and a supplemental insurance policy, because when you read this book there will be fire. I'm still nursing 2nd degree burns. You might as well drive yourself to the burn unit as you read."

--Josh Maday



"Buy this book."

--Josh Maday




Please email if you would like to purchase any of these blurbs for your book or someone else's book you are blurbing. Custom blurbs are available upon request. More blurbs will be offered as they become available.

10 comments:

Pete said...

I'm claiming that third one for my novella-in-progress, partly because I truly appreciate the deeply-felt sentiment expressed therein, but also because adding to my manuscript will pad my book from novella to novel. Because, you know, publishers can't figure out what to do with novellas anyway.

Josh Maday said...

It's all yours, Pete. You're right, the novella is a strange animal from the publishing end, but I often find that the novella is just the right length for this reader. I certainly wish you the best with yours. I hope to be able to read it soon.

Pete said...

Thanks. I hope to be able to finish it soon.

BLAKE BUTLER said...

nice'n

prathna lor said...

i like the third blurb

Josh Maday said...

thanks you, blake and prathna.

the third blurb has proven to be the most popular. it is brimming with passion, and is accurate and honest.

CM said...

On the flipside, one of my favorite responses to a review goes, "I am sitting in the smallest room of my house. I have your review before me. In a moment it will be behind me." This courtesy of Max Reger.

Josh Maday said...

Ha, that's a good one, CM. I'm curious to know how many reviews have actually been used for that purpose. More than a handful, I'll bet.

CM said...

"Any reviewer who expresses rage and loathing for a novel is preposterous. He or she is like a person who has put on full armor and attacked a hot fudge sundae." -- Kurt Vonnegut

Dot said...

Well written article.