I finally bought a new pair of glasses after ten years. I went to the place in the mall and picked out frames that looked exactly like the hundreds of other frames in the store. You can get any style of glasses now as long as the lenses are short, wide rectangles. You can get wire rims, no rims, or black plastic rims. This way everyone looks like a super intellectual artistic artist. So I checked off glasses on my list of items I need to complete my artist costume. I am still working on the hair, the humorous faux vintage t-shirts, the hip pre-filthed and shredded pants, the cool earth tone overcoat, and a rebellious configuration of meticulously groomed facial hair.
I am also working on my accent infused with a tone and manner of inflection that says, "I am on top of things. I know what's going on. I am hooked up. I am so with it that I am comfortable with what's going on all the time. I am low-key and don't care what others think, but I am smart and stylish if someone happens to be looking. I am an enlightened genius of social existence. I have the answers and I will tell them to you in a condescending and magical way that will make you feel okay about your stunning inferiority." I am still working on that accent, but my note taking is feverish and studious.
If I had a gun I would give it to you and ask you to shoot me.
Okay, I wouldn't. I would carefully check and see if it is loaded and then recommend that we lock it safely away. Because guns with bullets in them are dangerous. I would not wonder how I came to have a gun because I would already know.